


Love In A Bottle (Loving Him Was Red)

by twilight_moon09



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Because He's Human Darn It, Brief mentions of other characters - Freeform, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Late Night Writing, One Shot, Past Rape/Non-con, Steve Is A Little OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-23
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-05-28 13:36:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6331264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilight_moon09/pseuds/twilight_moon09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy is moving, and begins to reflect on all the things that happened in the past. To her, emotions have colors that tell stories, and all stories must come to an end. These were all the shades in-between.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love In A Bottle (Loving Him Was Red)

**Author's Note:**

> Hola Mishamigos! *spot that reference!*
> 
> I own nothing. Not Taylor Swift's music, not Marvel's characters, not anything but my words. 
> 
> *Warning: Steve is a little out of character from how we've gotten used to him, but that's the way I always write him. I feel like sometimes we paint Steve as too perfect when really, he's just a guy, he has emotions, he's flawed and he fucks up.
> 
> **TA-DA!** Just dropped the first f-bomb.
> 
> Enjoy. :)

__“Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street  
Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly  
Loving him is like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall  
Like the colors in autumn, so bright just before they lose it all…”

 

Darcy Lewis was not a quitter. She was extremely intelligent, hyperactive, compassionate, and cared more for the people she loved than she cared about her own life. She loved quickly, and she loved fiercely. She would gladly give the people she deemed her family the shirt off her back if they needed it, and she was always taking care of others, sometimes at the expense of her own well-being.

When Jane told her that they would have to move to London for her research, Darcy gladly followed behind her best friend leaving the longest relationship she’d ever had. Things with Daryl had been rocky since their impromptu trip to Norway thanks to Shield, which she could tell him nothing about, and she just knew that one more bout of separation would be the final nail in the coffin for them. Still, Jane was her sister, so she hopped on the flight.

She would always have Jane’s back after everything they’d been through. She was fiercely loyal, and downright adaptable. She rolled with the punches. Battling weird alien elf assholes in Greenwich? She’s game, they’ll probably make it home in time to catch Downton Abbey. Moving into Stark Tower to become an ACTUAL paid lab assistant? Sure, sign her up. Play an adorable prank on Tony Stark an hour after she’s shook the billionaire’s hand? Obviously, you don’t even have to ask. Not only did she impress the Avengers and the incredibly Pepper Potts with her capabilities and down to earth spirit, she made them more of a family by reminding them that they were people and needed to have constant human contact. She didn’t even stop to think about it, she just did things for them. Because she considered them family.

But right now, she was seriously considering a fourth glass of wine.

She looked around her apartment, once full of bright colors and odd pop culture knick-knacks, now nearly bare and empty. Packing up shit is hard, she thought to herself, as if she didn’t recall the multiple times she’s had to pack up Jane’s lab, but the bitter thought reminded her of why she had to do this.

Walking over to the bar stool by the counter, pulling her hair up into a sloppy topknot, Darcy slumped down into the stool and lazily poured herself another glass. She sighed, took a long sip of the liquid gold, looking around her box filled living room. Everything was pretty much packed up, the entire apartment was almost done, and she had transported the bulk of her furniture to Vancouver already. By the time it arrived, she’d be settled in for a day at minimum, ready to begin unpacking all her shit. She tossed back another sip, thinking about all the memories she had in this apartment, this beautifully furnished loft apartment in Stark Tower. She hated that she was leaving, that she was making everyone sad, but she had to do what she felt was best for her. And she knew she couldn’t stay here anymore.

 

She knew it was going to hurt like hell, and she was going to miss everything and everyone here. Even the one person she wished that she wouldn’t. She’d miss doing yoga with Bruce early in the morning, playing pranks on Tony with JARVIS and Clint, watching Game of Thrones with Thor, arguing music and movies with Tony, cooking with Natasha, and watching rom-coms with Pepper. She’d miss her whole family, and this perfect little life she’d built for herself. And she didn’t feel like she was deserting them, not really. She’d made sure, even after that Jane reassured her she could never be replaced, that Jane, Bruce, and Tony would be properly taken care of. She hired a new lab assistant who was more proficient at the job than she ever was, whom she had shadow her for a whole month before she felt comfortable relinquishing her position. She had the utmost confidence that Peter would take care of team Science! like they were his own.

But she’d been living in a bubble, watching the world with rose-tinted glasses, and kidding herself for thinking things would ever last. Because like all good things in her life, they come to end with her being the one holding the short straw.

She mentally coached herself to get up and finish packing the last box, the final box, with the contents resting on the shelf above her fireplace. She finished off her glass and walked over to look at the ornate glass bottles arranged in a row on the shelf. Each glass was filled with different color sand, layered from the bottom to the top. She picked up the bottle furthest to the right, the one that was nearly full, with only a third of space at the top. As she held the bottle in her hands, memories flooded her mind.

 

**EIGHT MONTHS EARLIER:**

_ “Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted was right there in front of you  
Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words to your old favorite song…” _

**__ **

_Darcy fell over on the couch, laughing until she had tears falling from her eyes, holding her sides. The large white cotton t-shirt that was three sizes too big and didn’t belong to her started riding up on her thigh, revealing her pink polka-dot underwear, but she didn’t care because she didn’t have to be modest. She leaned forward and grabbed another slice of pizza, completely amused, as she watched his reaction to what was happening on TV._

_He finally caught on to her amusement, and looked over at her in false anger. “It’s not funny Darce, they had no reason to kill her off! She’s a perfectly good character of vital importance to the group!”_

_“Be honest Steve, was Beth really that important to the group? Besides the fact that she was Maggie’s sister and took care of Judith?” Darcy smiled again, and sipped her beer like Kermit the Frog sips his tea._

_“How can you say that? Beth was a good person!” Steve said in shock._

_“Yeah she was, but Steve I’ve already told you. What was the one rule when we started watching The Walking Dead?” She asked smartly._

_“The moral compass always dies.” Steve said with a sigh. He tried to hide a sniffle and sneakily wipe his eye._

_“Holy shit, is that a tear?” Darcy said, leaning into his personal space to get in his face. Steve quickly schooled his features and went back to staring at the screen as a distraction. “What? No Darce, I got sauce from the wings in my eye.” He said nonchalantly._

_“You lying piece of shit liar, who lies…yes it was! You were crying over Beth’s death!” Darcy laughed evilly._

_“I noticed you getting teary eyed over there too and you’ve seen this episode five times Darce, so shut it.” He pouted as she continued to laugh. “I’m sorry babe, but it’s just hilarious. You always get attached to the softest characters and act surprised when they die…for a man with a plan, you don’t seem to catch on well.” She was still giggling._

_“I’m glad you take joy in my sadness, doll.” He snatched her beer and took a huge swig, earning him a punch in the arm. He just stuck his tongue out at her and finished her beer. Once the episode was over, she started cleaning up their plates. As she walked into the kitchen put the dishes in the sink, she had a realization of how domestic they were being and how comfortable they already were around each other. They’d started out as friends, with Darcy realizing how lonely he seemed and deciding to take on the crusade of introducing him to pop culture. Which lead to them hanging out weekly to watch The Walking Dead (which she affectionately called misery porn), which he binge-watched in-between their movie nights so he’d be caught up by the new season premiere, then one thing led to another._

_Slowly, he’d pop up during work to visit her in the labs, bring her lunch, or she’d be in the communal kitchen when he got back from his morning runs making breakfast. They started to go out for dinner, instead of staying in, and going out to see movies at the theatre instead of watching movies in Tony’s home theatre. They were dating before they even realized it. Now here they were, three months later after what Darcy was calling their first official date because Steve finally kissed her, relaxing around her apartment like grown-ups. Steve had left so many things here that they were basically living together, and they couldn’t be happier. Sure his apartment a few floors up was bigger, but he said he liked it here because it felt cozier._

_Lost in thought, she didn’t even hear him come into the kitchen as he snuck up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She felt his big warm hands on her soft stomach, something she would always be self-conscious about, and his warm lips on her neck. She leaned back into his hard chest, enjoying the feeling of his embrace, and ran her fingers up through his hair. “Don’t tell me you missed me already, dude.” Darcy laughed as she felt him smile into her shoulder. “Are you kidding, I always miss you when you go into the next room sweetheart. I was two seconds away from curling into a ball.” She twisted her head so she could kiss his lips, resting her hand on his cheek. “Well I don’t know how to tell you this, but I can’t get close to you. Kind of seems like you’re the moral compass of the team, and it’d be pretty foolish to fall in love with your sweet ass only to lose it.” She teased._

_“Well that’s just too damn bad Darce,” He said with a laugh, “Because I’m already in love with you.” He pecked her lips again for good measure. “And your sweet ass.” He swatted her butt, and ran out of the room while she rubbed her butt cheek. “You know just because you’re a super soldier doesn’t give you the right to be a super dick, Steve!” She rubbed again, and stormed off to find him._

_When she made it back in the living room he standing on the opposite side of the coffee table, almost bouncing on the ball of his feet, with a goofy smile and a twinkle in his eye. That let her know immediately she was dealing with Steve the Troll, an overgrown teenage asshole that few people knew about. Much like Clint, but a better kept secret._

_She took a step toward him, going to the right of the coffee table, and he immediately stepped left. She tried to go right, and he jumped to the left. “You know, alcohol makes most people act like drunken frat boys, not like a toddler hopped up on sugar.” She yelled at him in mock anger, and he just laughed like the troll he was. She finally gave full chase and darted to the right, making him shoot off like an arrow to the left and run around the whole apartment with her on his heels, sliding around in her neon pink socks. She finally thought she had him cornered in the bedroom, but he just vaulted over the bed right past her and out the door. “That’s not fair! How is any of this fair! You’re an overpowered super soldier! I feel like Rocky chasing a freakin’ chicken!” She yelled after him._

_“Rocky catches the chicken in the end, I have faith in you, babe!” He yelled from somewhere near the living room proud he was able to understand that reference thanks to her, but still being a little shit. She finally ran out into the living room, snatching at his t-shirt and missing him by a hair, but making him bump into the fireplace as a result of dodging her. They both freeze as they watch the glasses bottles on the shelf above it wobble, and Steve catches the last bottle furthest to the right before it shatters on the ground. Darcy let out a breath she was holding, and smiled at him. “Well thank god for Spidey-senses.” She plopped down on the couch to catch her breath. Steve plopped down next to her, the glass bottle still in his hand. “I’ve already told you doll, I’m not secretly Spiderman.”_

_“Hey, you’ve got your version of the story, and I’ve got the truth.” She smirked and sucked on her index finger, before sticking it in his ear and swirling it. “Ow, what the—Darcy, that’s gross, stop it, what the hell—” He squirmed and grabbed for her wrist, trying to push her off of him. “That’s for making me chase you, Captain Asshat.” She sat back against the arm of the couch and put her feet in his lap, feeling as though justice was served. She looked up and Steve was still holding the bottle in his hands._

_“I’ve never asked before, but what’s with the bottles of sand?” Steve said, observing the grains of color more closely. Each layer was a different color, some of them sparkling a bit while the other colors were a bit dull._

_“You have to promise not to be weird about it.” Darcy said, studying him._

_“I can’t promise you that.” Steve said with a straight face._

_“Fine, then you have to promise not to be Clint about it.”_

_“Now that, I can promise. But you should know, I’d never laugh at you…not really.”_

_“Oh, I know that. You’re an adorable sack of muscles and American justice.” She smiled and lean forward to press a soft kiss to his lips, and took the bottle from his hands to look at it._

_She was thoughtful for a long moment before she spoke. “It seems kind of stupid when I say it out loud, but each bottle represents every serious relationship I’ve ever been in. I got the idea from my mom, she used to do it when I was younger. She was kind of a hippy, and really flighty, her emotions were always all over the place. She’d fall in love all the time, and she was out of love just as quickly. Each color represents a feeling. I feel like every relationship you have with people is meant to teach you something. The bottles are so I never forget what lessons they taught me.”_

_“Who’s the first bottle?” he asked. Her eyes wandered over to the bottle on the left, filled mostly with violet colored sand. “The first bottle is Jared, my high school sweetheart. He was my first love, my first everything. We were young and stupid, and moving way too fast.” She laughed at a distant memory. “I remember we stole his dad’s convertible and drove for three days straight before turning back. We made it two states over before the cops caught us.”_

_“See, I knew you were a rebel when you were younger. Everyone said you would be a bad influence on me. America would be disappointed in you.” Steve said with a straight face. “Please, that doesn’t even come close to half the shit you and Bucky got up to back in the thirties. You were not a golden boy, tight pants. You literally used to finger girls in theatres full of people and go to mass right after.” She challenged._

_“Damn straight.” Steve said with a shit-eating grin._

_She chose to ignore his smugness and return to the story telling. “Jared and I had plans to run away and get an apartment when we turned 18, but everything changed when I got accepted at Culver and he was accepted to Notre Dame for a football scholarship. That’s why the sand towards the top is light blue. In the end, we realized we’d be better off friends.”_

_He nodded. “Do you still keep in touch?” He asked. “What, with all the NDA’s Shield had me sign you think I’d be able to keep friends other than you guys? I can’t even email my mother without it being intercepted and checked for hidden messages. I could actually try to send him smoke signals and Shield would still think I’m trying to use some old super-secret Nazi code.” “Fair point,” He agreed. “What about the next one?” Darcy sighed and rolled her eyes as she took a second to collect her thoughts. “Okay if we’re going to get into this, I’m gonna need vodka.”_

_She got up and strolled over to the kitchen, and grabbed a bottle from the back of the cabinet. Steve noticed the very Russian label on the front of it. “Did you steal that from Natasha?” He questioned with smile. “Shut up Steve-o, you’re ruining story-time.” She took a large swig from the bottle, and winced as it went down her throat. She did it again, taking more this time, and winced again as she sighed. “Okay, I think I’ve drank enough Russian gasoline to get through this story.”_

_She folded her legs under her and chose to look at the bottle in her hands instead of meeting his eyes._

_“The next bottle is Chris. I met him my freshman year at Culver, and things were hot and heavy pretty quickly. The bottom is violet because of how fast things happened. The next layer is red because everything was bliss. We had sex EVERYWHERE—” “Darcy, I don’t need—” He cut in. “Shut up ya mook, I’m telling a story! We started talking about a future together, what we would do when we graduated, how many kids we’d have…but we just didn’t know each other. It seemed like we wanted the same things, but we didn’t. He wanted a meek housewife, barefoot and pregnant that had his dinner on the table waiting for him every night when he got home, not an opinionated political science major. We burned bright for a while, but then I started to have doubts. You can see the red layer didn’t last long. I started having mixed emotions about the whole thing, hence the then layer of light green, and it got harder to trust him. I suspected he was cheating on me and I was right. That’s the layer of orange comes in because I was so stressed out and confused. I wasn’t focusing on school like I should, hence the missing science credits which resulted in me taking the internship with Jane. So hey, that worked out! But I digress…I guess I just wanted things to work with him, but he was changing. He started hanging with the wrong people, and got pretty messed up on drugs.”_

_She got quiet for a moment, lost in the past. She suddenly felt anchored again when she felt him take her hand in his. “I thought I’d be able to help him, but one night he went too far. He came to my dorm high off his ass, and drunk as fuck. Not only did he give me a black eye, he took cookies from my jar without asking. That’s the black sand…black means fear, and depression. That’s the end of that bottle. I never even told Jane that part of the story.” She took another long pull from the bottle, her spirits dimmed just a little._

_Steve, understandably, was highly upset by the news he was just given. Darcy had never told him, or apparently anyone, that she’d been a victim of domestic abuse, much less that she’d ever been violated. He could feel the anger in him building. “Darcy, you never mentioned his last name…” He said, trying to control his voice. But she just giggled, feeling a little buzzed. “And that was for a good reason. It’s in the past, and I’ve moved on Steve. I’ve forgiven him and let it go. See the reasons for the bottle? You forgive, but you never forget. He was sent into my life to teach me something, for me to learn from my experiences with him and my time spent with him, and I did. Let it go.” She squeezed his hand reassuringly._

_He shook his head, amazed at her inner strength, and the goodness inside of her. It was what drew people in and made them immediately attached to her. Darcy was truly a light that should never be extinguished. And he realized he would try and do everything in his power to keep that from ever happening. He took a deep breath, willing himself to file that away for later after he had a private talk with Clint and Natasha. “So what’s this bottle? It’s half empty.” He said, gesturing the bottle he has in his hands._

_“That bottle is us, silly goose!” She laughed and grabbed the bottle gently, so that the layers wouldn’t mix. “The layer at the bottom is light pink, which means happiness and infatuation. It’s from all the time we spent together as friends before we started officially dating. I was falling in love with you then, I just didn’t know it yet. Back then you were just my bro-ski. The next layer is dark pink, for when we started actually dating, and I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It felt like puppy love. Hahaha. Puppies!” She giggled at her own lame joke, and hiccuped._

_She started to reach for the vodka but Steve grabbed it and placed it on the floor by his side, smiling at her drunken goofiness, deciding that four beers and a good amount of vodka was good enough. Mildly hungover Darcy was manageable. Wildly hungover Darcy was a nightmare. That’s why they only did karaoke nights once a month. “So you couldn’t stop thinking about little old me huh?” He asked cheekily._

_“Of course!” She answered honestly, and not as sarcastically as she normally would when sober. “Have you seen your ass in that suit? It’s to die for! Not to mention that shoulder to waist ratio, I mean seriously, I was questioning if you were even human!” She giggled again and her skin flushed completely red now._

_“Nice to know you appreciate the view.” He smirked. “You shut your cute face, I’m not done. Any-who, red layer started when you told me you loved me for the first time and I said it back. That small layer of the really sparkly silver is the first time you kissed me, it took you forever! And since then I’ve just been pouring that red sand in there like I’m trying to drown Princess Jasmine in an hourglass. I mean, seriously. You see I started adding sparkles to the red…that’s because I’m super in love and super happy since you moved in.” She smiled showing all her teeth like the Cheshire cat._

_“Would it be in poor taste to show you how super grateful I am for your love and hospitality by taking advantage of you right now?” He asked. “Are you kidding me, you have my full permission to worship me like the goddess I am for all the affection I’ve bestowed upon you, mortal.” She leaned in and kissed him intently as he lifted her in his arms and walked towards the bedroom they shared, with a promise of all the things to come._

**PRESENT DAY:**

__ “Losing him was blue like I'd never known  
Missing him was dark grey all alone  
Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met…” 

She squeezed that final bottle in her hands, before going back for a box in her room and grabbing a bag of sand. She found her bejeweled funnel, and started pouring a thick layer of dark grey on top of the alternating layers of dark blue and light grey until the bottle was full. With a huff of finality, she tightened the top on the bottle for good. She looked down at the dark blue and light grey, got lost in thought.

 

**ONE MONTH EARLIER:**

_ “Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword and realizing there's no right answer  
Regretting him was like wishing you never found out that love could be that strong…” _

**__ **

_“I already said I would go Darcy!” Steve yelled from the bathroom._

_“Steve if you don’t want to go to goddamn fundraiser dinner, just say you don’t wanna go!” She yelled back from the bedroom, standing in front of her mirror fighting with the pastel blue floor length gown that fit her just fine two months ago. “You not required to be there, you’re not a special guest, so you don’t have to go!” She continued._

_“I’m already getting dressed, can we just drop it!” He yelled. “No, we can’t drop it, because you just started getting dressed five minutes ago! The dinner starts in 20 minutes! For fuck’s sake, Steve, you knew about this dinner a week ago! I even reminded you this morning before I left for work!” She screamed in anger._

_“It doesn’t take me that long to get dressed, I don’t have to do half the shit you do!” He screamed back._

_“Well excuse me for trying to look nice for tonight, that’s why I started getting ready early! You SAW me starting to get dress and you sat on the couch watching the baseball game. I’d hoped this would be a nice evening out for once since it’s been a while but you went ahead and threw your stupid shield right into that plan, didn’t you! God, this is what you do every time! If you don’t want to go out, just say it! Don’t get my hopes up and then drag ass and be in a shitty mood pouting because you don’t really wanna be there! For the love of Thor, you’re NOT five years old! GROW UP!” She screamed, and then she heard footsteps stomping towards the bedroom._

_Steve stormed in shirtless in his black boxer briefs, with shaving cream cover his face and half his face shaven. His hair was still messy, and he was nowhere NEAR ready to leave like she was. She was fuming, and his chest was heaving with just as much rage as she had._

_“Fine! You want the truth?!? I don’t want to go! I never wanted to go, I don’t feel like going out and snobbing around with a bunch of rich assholes, I’m tired and I’m just not in the mood!” He yelled back, and she scoffed and turned back in the mirror to finish fixing her hair. “Is that what you wanted! Is that what you wanted to hear?” He continued._

_“Yeah, it would’ve been nice to hear that 8 hours ago! Or how about a week ago when I RSVP’d for our table. What TRULY would have been nice would have been just a little CONSIDERATION!” She turned back to face him. He ran his hands repeatedly through his hair, pacing back and forth in frustration as he raised his voice louder. “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT FROM ME!”_

_“I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HONEST, AND NOT BE AN INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE, IS THAT PART OF YOUR AMAZING ABILITIES CAPTAIN AMERICA!?”_

_He stopped pacing to face her. “I’M BEING AN INCONSIDERATE ASSHOLE?! REALLY?! JUST BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO GO EAT DINNER WITH SOME RICH SCHMUCKS I DON’T EVEN KNOW?! HOW DOES THAT EVEN COMPUTE FOR YOU, DOLL? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO NAG ME SO DAMN HARD ALL THE TIME?” He yelled back at her._

_“I NAG YOU? REALLY!” She screamed, and stepped in his face in her 6-inch Jimmy Choo heels, unafraid to step into Captain America's space. With anger, she clapped her hands in his face to emphasis her point. “SO IT MAKES ME A NAGGING BITCH TO WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH YOU! IT MAKES ME A NAGGING BITCH TO HOLD YOU TO YOUR WORD WHEN YOU AGREE TO DO SOMETHING! YOU’RE SO FULL OF SHIT ROGERS!” Having her get in his face made him even more angry, and soon they were just screaming at each other at the top of their lungs trying to drown each other out._

_Her voice got more screechy the louder she got, trying to be heard over his commanding voice. “IT’S LIKE YOU DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK ANYMORE! YOU NEVER WANT TO DO ANYTHING TOGETHER ANYMORE, AND YOU TRY AND MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY FOR MAKING PLANS! IT’S NOT FAIR!”_

_His voice got deeper as he got more upset. “OH, AND IT’S FAIR FOR YOU TO MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY ALL THE TIME, THEN HUH! IT’S LIKE EVERYTHING I DO JUST PISSES YOU THE HELL OFF, I CAN’T DO ANYTHING RIGHT ANYMORE!” He pulled on his hair. “I’M TIRED OF ALWAYS COMING HOME AND FEELING LIKE I’VE LEFT ONE BATTLEFIELD JUST TO RUN RIGHT INTO ANOTHER ONE! I’M SICK OF IT!”_

_Darcy started gesturing back wildly with her hands. “YOU JUST IGNORE ALL THE EFFORT I’M PUTTING IN! I KEEP TRYING AND TRYING, TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, TRYING TO HELP YOU FEEL BETTER, I KNOW HE’S YOUR BROTHER AND YOU MISS THE SHIT OUT OF HIM BUT YOU CAN’T KEEP PUNISHING ME BECAUSE BUCKY’S NOT HERE!”_

_He pointed his finger in her face accusingly. “ALL YOU EVER DO IS POINT OUT MY FAULTS, EVERY FUCKING THING I’M DOING WRONG, AND IT’S LIKE I CAN’T WIN ANYMORE!”_

_Darcy was getting so emotional, her eyes started water, and she started stomping her feet to emphasize her point even more. But Steve was so angry he just didn’t notice the cry for help for what it really was. He stopped hearing her. They kept getting closer into each others space, growing more confrontational and Darcy was losing control. “I’M SO TIRED STEVE! I’M TIRED OF ALL THE BULLSHIT, ALL THE SAME GODDAMN BULLSHIT, AND I CAN’T FIX IT! I CAN’T TRY ANYMORE!” She was downright weeping at this point, and her voice was starting to lose steam._

_“I AM DROWNING! I’M DROWNING, STEVE, RIGHT THE FUCK NOW AND YOU DON’T EVEN NOTICE! YOU DON’T NOTICE ANYTHING ANYMORE!” Her breath started hitching and getting away from her, and her tears fell in torrents as a panic attack started to set in nearly paralyzing her. “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!! DO YOU HEAR ME! I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!! I CAN’T. I CAN’T…I can’t do this…not anymore.”_

_The last sentence she yelled finally got through. She was a mess, her perfect makeup ruined, and Steve just stood there in shock, trying to catch his breath. She put her face in her hands, tears falling freely, and try to take a steadying breath and failed. She grabbed her purse and her phone and shoved past him. He stood there in silence, jumping when he heard the front door slam shut behind her._

**PRESENT DAY:**

__ “Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes  
Tell myself it's time now, gotta let go  
But moving on from him is impossible” 

 

Darcy wiped away the tear that had finally broke free, and she willed herself to gain control before the dam exploded. She’d spent enough time crying over it, bargaining about things she would have changed, words she would have taken back, and she sure spent enough time trying to pretend it didn’t happen and she was fine. And now she was finally accepting it. Steve was gone, the relationship was over, and it was time to move on. She did it before, she could do it again. A new city was just the fresh start she needed.

Just as she was about to put the bottle in the final box and tape it up for good, she heard a knock on the door. She looked at her phone, wondering why someone would be knocking at 3 in the morning. Curiosity got the better of her and she went to answer it. When she opened it, her heart stopped.

Steve.

Standing there, with his hands in his pockets, looking down at the welcome mat under his feet that they bought together months ago. She was so in shock she couldn’t think of anything to say. Her brain was frozen, and attempting to reboot. She hadn’t heard from him in weeks, not since that last fight. By the time she got back to the apartment that night, all of his stuff was gone, she was told he moved up to DC, and she hadn’t seen him since. Not a phone call, email, or text.

It was completely quiet as he stood on her doorstep, still afraid to meet her eyes. “You know, I stood out here for about 20 minutes trying to work up the courage to knock…” He said quietly, finally breaking the silence. “Well it took you two hours to finally work up the nerve to kiss me, so I’d say you’re improving.” She joked half-heartedly, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckled, and finally looked up to meet her gaze. The moment he did, she felt her heart stop. And just like that, she remembered how much she missed having him look at her that way.

“Do you wanna come in?” She asked softly, and he nodded following her into the apartment. He looked around, taking stock of all the boxes and the bare walls. All the while she was still trying to shake off the shock of his arrival, and regain her wits. “Um, can I get you anything? Coffee maybe? I don’t have much, sorry. It’s the only thing I haven’t packed yet…I needed to get my fix before I got on the plane tomorrow…” She rambles as she walked into the kitchen to start the coffee. As she walked past it she put the bottle on the counter, and Steve took a seat on one of the bar stools.

“Coffee would be great, thanks.” He answered distantly, realizing how strange it felt to be treated like a guest here. But that’s what he was now. She returned a few minutes later with two coffee mugs filled with the elixir of life, as she liked to call it. She handed him his and they both sipped quietly. “So…you’re leaving soon?” He asked, looking at the boxes pointedly. “Yeah, my flight leaves tomorrow afternoon.” She answered.

“Oh yeah?” He tried to sound nonchalant, and failed miserably. He swore he could here Bucky’s ghost laughing at him from the other side. “Where you headed?”

She sighed and looked down at the mug in her hands. “Steve, why are you here?” She asked as politely as she could. He shrugged, also opting to look down at his coffee instead of at her. “I heard you were leaving, and I thought I’d stop by before you left.”

“Which still begs the question, why?” She asked again.

He put the mug on the counter, thinking long and hard about how to respond to her question. He knew what he wanted to say, he knew the things he wanted to happen, but for the life of him he couldn’t figure how to verbalize his thoughts. Everything inside him felt like a tidal wave, like a powder keg ready to explode, if only he knew how to light the fuse. He couldn’t help but to think back to a time when he could just tell her the things he felt for her, say the things he wanted to say, and not trip on his words at all.

So, being the clever tactician that he is, he decided to distract her till he could formulate his thoughts a little better. His eyes drifted to the bottle on the counter. “Is that our bottle?” He asked innocently. She nodded, caught off guard by the turn of the conversation. He reached out and picked it up, looking at all the colors. He thought back to that night she explained the concept of it to him, and picked up where she left off. “Light orange is for how stressed and frustrated you were getting…” He said, referencing the thin dusting of light orange sand on top of the thick layer of red. “The dark orange, I’m guessing, is for when we started arguing.” All she could do was nod, unsure of what to say. He nodded to himself, like he was compiling data in his mind. “The layer of black…was that the break up?” He asked quietly, and she answered just the same. “Yes.”

“What does the dark blue mean?” He asked. She sighed, and shifted her weight back and forth uncomfortable with the topic. “Dark blue was for when I was reminded I lost you…and that you weren’t coming back.” For a woman who prided herself for having a voice, she sure couldn’t find it now. “And the dark grey?” He questioned further. “Dark grey was…every time I felt all alone, and I missed you.”

He gently twisted the bottle around in his hands, looking at it from all angles. “They alternate a lot.” He remarked. “I kept going back and forth…it wasn’t a fun space to be in.” He set the bottle down on the counter, both of them never taking their eyes off it. “Why was dark grey the final color at the top?”

She crossed her arms, shrinking into herself just a little. “Because it meant acceptance. Things won’t go away, but they will heal.” He nodded in understanding, and took a deep breath. He stood up and walked over to her, and with every step he took toward her, her heart sped up a beat. He stood right in front of her, and looked her in the eyes. “Darcy…I know that there isn’t really anything I can say to encapsulate just how much I regret what happened, and you have no reason to even hear my apology. You don’t owe me anything anymore…I know that, I just…I just wanted to give you something before you left. If that’s ok.” He said, his hand rubbing the back of his neck like he always did when he was nervous.

She’d like to say she thought about it long and hard, and put a lot of thought into her answer. But the truth, if she was being honest, was that she didn’t even hesitate. Darcy was the cat that curiously killed. “Sure.” She answered, finally regaining control of her speaking abilities. He gave her a smile, a smile she missed with all her heart, and she felt a spark inside again. He nodded and walked back out her front door, into the hallway.

A few seconds later, he came back in carrying a beautifully ornate huge glass bottle, a little bigger than a keg, and put it down front of her. She was sure it was pretty heavy, but he carried it like it was nothing. He jogged back out into the hallway again, and she was sure confusion was tattooed on her face. But when he came back in carrying eight heavy bags of red sand, four on each shoulder, she dropped the bottle she had in her hands and it shattered on the hardwood floor. He placed the heavy bags on the ground, and she looked down at the swirl of colors and glass now at her feet.

“Steve what the hell is all this?” She nearly yelled, still in shock.

He walked over and took her hands in his. “Darcy listen…I know I was a bonehead, and an asshole, and a cad, and a heel, and a shitty boyfriend, and a moron, and nerf herder, and a bilge-snipe, and every other insult under the sun that you can think of, but doll…I missed you so fucking much. I realized as soon as you walked out the door what a huge mistake I made, and I convinced myself that letting you move on and find somebody else was the best thing I could do for you but Darcy…I’m too stinkin’ selfish.”

She was still having a hard time absorbing his words. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted…I wasn’t coping with the grief the way I should have. I should have just opened up to you and let you in, but I took the coward’s way out. I need you to know that I’m still in love with you Darce…I think about you every second of every day and being away from you has been like trying to breathe underwater. I need you with me Darce…I need you in my life. And if you’ll let me, I’ll spend the rest of our lives making it up to you. I will put my blood, sweat, and tears into making sure that bottle doesn’t see a grain of sand that isn’t red. It’s a big bottle…it’ll take years to fill…and I’m begging you to just take a chance on us again. All I need you to do is say yes…don’t get on that plane tomorrow…say yes.” He said, with tears forming in his eyes.

He was a mile behind Darcy, because tears were already coming down her face in streams. She looked down between their connected hands at the mound of sand and glass at their feet. “I think…” She started, shakily. “that it’s okay the old bottle broke.” She looked up into his eyes, seeing the glimmer of hope twinkling in them. “It means we can have a fresh start.” She smiled, laughing through her tears as she picked her up from the ground in a hug. He placed her down on her feet, and put a hand on her cheek.

__ “But loving him was red  
Oh, red  
Burning red…” 

“Darcy…can I kiss you?” He asked gently.

She smirked sarcastically. “And it didn’t even take two hours for you ask this time.”

He shook his head at her, and kissed her with so much passion and longing they didn’t even wait long enough to unpack her bedsheets.

 

**FIN.**            

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it, but seriously I hope you like every crazy little idea that crawls out of my head. 
> 
> You guys should also know that this particular version of my Steve would never hit a woman, but he definitely wouldn't hesitate to tell a dame she was crazy and call her on her shit.
> 
> The song was "RED" by Taylor Swift from the album RED.
> 
> Comments are love! Till next time, may the odds be ever in your favor people. :)


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